Tongan customs, or angafakatonga, are an important part of Tongan identity: all of their values, practices, beliefs, and behaviors. Their angafakatonga can also be found through their connections to the Christian church and family, and both are of the highest importance. Tongans love to share their family tree. One of the first things many Tongans asked us about our adopted children was “What is their family name?” This may seem intrusive, but to Tongans, this is their way. Their identity is understood through their genealogies.
When we visited Tonga, I was overcome with how much of a collective society they are. They are interdependent with one another. If their neighbor comes home with more fish from the day’s catch, their next-door neighbors are invited to share in the wealth. The Tongan people consider having enough to share with others is a blessing. We were told to beware if you admire something owned by someone else as they will feel obliged to give it to you. The last day we were in Tonga, we had dinner at the house where our son Taylor lived for a few months when he was six months old before he came to us. I was admiring a decorative map of Tonga on their wall. The mother took it right down and gave it to me.
Respect (Faka‘apa‘apa) and humility (Fakatōkilalo) are also an integral part of their life. These practices are internalized and not superficial.
When we were visiting the Polynesian Cultural Center in January of this year, I started talking to one of the women in the Tongan village. Vanessa, along with some other women, started a class for children to learn the “old ways” as they feel that some of their traditions are hard to teach while not living in Tonga. They also teach the Tongan language. They call their class Tonga Tupu’a. (She shared their logo).
Vanessa sent this picture to me from one of their classes. I shared that I had written a book about folktales. She was so gracious and wanted to know more. Equally, I wanted to know more about her class.
“Tupu means to grow, roots, raised, and refers to both humans and plants. Tupu’a means stories and legends passed down from ancient to present and future, and that’s our goal to pass it down to our kids so they will have a better understanding of who we are as Tongans.”
Even though these children are being raised away from Tonga, their parents are trying to instill their culture as they were raised. Their “tupu” will always be Tonga. Their roots will be in Tonga.
When we become more educated about other cultures, we can have more understanding and compassion for those around us, and we can develop respect and empathy for other people as we celebrate our similarities and differences. Cultural awareness is so important today. I have learned about Tongan food, their talents, and sometimes what Tongans struggle with, and the more I learn, the more I can leave my assumptions behind and understand my world better.
Here are some ways to expand your own cultural awareness:
- Study a native language
- Read diverse books
- Interact with people from different cultures
- Sample food from other cultures or participate in one of their celebrations
‘Ofa atu moe lotu
*Fishing pictures credit: James Siers