I think one of the hardest concepts of creative writing for students who don’t want to be writers is teaching them how to be descriptive and “showing” versus “telling”. Most of them will only write one creative story a year and possibly some smaller assignments. So, how do I get the “most” out of them in one essay? Plus, grading is so much more fun when I read descriptive stories!

When you read a story, the reader wants to experience the story with visual images, sounds–a sensory experience–feel, taste, touch, and move around in the experience. We read to actually feel like what is to be in another world, another body, another point of view. We want to forget we are reading. I developed an assignment I call “Expand A Sentence”. This assignment comes after their first draft. 

I have them pick one sentence and expand it. Here are the instructions. 

Instructions: Pick a sentence from your narrative. Write it below, and expand it like the above example. Refer back to your notes and try to add some of the five senses: touch, sight, hearing, smell, and taste. Don’t try to force the senses. Close your eyes and try to imagine yourself and what you were doing. Imagine what you were smelling, hearing, seeing, touching, and tasting. Maybe you can’t imagine tasting anything. If so, then leave that sense out. Make your paragraph as natural as possible and real. 

Expanding Sentences With More Emotion, More Imagery

Initial sentence:                  We stood outside for twenty minutes.

Add an Adjective ⇨ We stood outside for twenty miserable minutes.

When ⇨ This morning we stood outside for twenty miserable minutes.

Where ⇨ This morning we stood on the sidewalk in front of the school for twenty miserable minutes.

How ⇨ This morning we stood shivering on the snow-covered sidewalk in front of the school for twenty miserable minutes.

Why ⇨ This morning we stood shivering on a snow-covered sidewalk in front of the school for twenty miserable minutes while the fire chief investigated the cause of the fire alarm.

Sensory Details ⇨  Now, the above sentence is still not complete. Some sensory details would make it even better. 

Mrs. Berry tried it, and here is my original sentence:

I shouldn’t have ignored Gwen and Trent’s invitations for lunch. 

My office is situated in the far southwest corner. I quickly walk past Gwen’s and Trent’s cubicles and look straight forward. I can hear the copy machine and I am nervous. I hear “Take these documents over to accounting to see if Bridget can make sense of them.” I shouldn’t have ignored Gwen and Trent’s invitations for lunch. 

2nd Attempt:

My office is situated in the far southwest corner. Walking past Gwen’s and Trent’s cubicles, I look straight forward. Talking to any of these people makes my palms sweat. The copy machine is whirring, and I overhear, “Take these documents over to accounting to see if Bridget can make sense of them.” I blow into my hand to see if I can smell the onions from my lunch chicken salad, and wincing, I swallow hard. I shouldn’t have ignored Gwen and Trent’s invitations for lunch. Their icy, cold stares as I walk by force me to look down.

Last draft:

My office is situated in the far southwest corner. Pushing through the double doors, the receptionist gives me a nod as I walk in. Already, my palms are clammy as I begin to think of what I can say to Gwen and Trent to make it right. Over the whirr of the copy machine I overhear, “Take these documents over to accounting to see if Bridget can make sense of them.” I blow into my hand and smell onions from my lunch chicken salad. Wincing, I swallow hard. I shouldn’t have ignored Gwen and Trent’s invitations for lunch. As I pass their cubicles, I see their icy, cold stares, which forces me to look down and keep walking.  

I love this quote by Robert Cormier: “The beautiful part of writing is that you don’t have to get it right the first time, unlike, say, a brain surgeon.”

Keep up the good work of teaching and writing!